“Hi, I’m from the Government. I’m here to help you to build your house.” 

Oh great tell me more…

“We first you need to buy a site. But we will only let you pick certain places, and we are reducing the amount of places that you can pick. The people selling sites in those places know this, so they can charge more”.

Hmmmmm ok, what’s next?

“Well once you have found the site, you’ll pay for it. You’ll probably need an auctioneer or a solicitor involved. Anything you pay them, we will make it 23% more expensive by adding VAT, and then you’ll pay us an extra 1% stamp duty.”

What am I paying that for?

“Because we know best. Next you’ll have to get an architect to draw up plans for the house. We will charge you an extra 23% on that too, and of course not forgetting the planning fees”.

So when I pay that I’ll get planning permission?

“No, we will probably turn you down the first time just for the craic. We will tell you to make some small change to the plans, like moving the entrance 10 yards up the road or something. That way we can get another 23% on your second architects invoice, get more planning fees and keep a few officials in a job. You know yourself”. 

Once you give me permission I’m good to start?

“Oh yeah, once you get a mortgage to pay for it all.”

But I earn the average income, I can’t get a mortgage that will cover that cost.

“Why not?”

Because you have put all these rules in place to make it very difficult for me to get one.

“Oh right, well once you get that sorted out, just select a builder and off you go. But remember, we will charge you VAT on the mortgage services.”

Will you be adding 23% extra on top of the builders cost too? 

“Ah only for most things, there are a few things we will only add 13.5% to. And we have just increased the Carbon Tax, so anything that needs to be delivered will cost you more, and of course it will cost the builder more to operate machines, so you’ll be paying more that way too. Oh, and 2 years ago we brought in new energy efficiency standards, so your house build cost is going to be 2-3% higher in order to meet those standards. “

Is there anything else? 

“Well that depends. Do you want electricity?”

Yeah, would be handy I suppose.

“Well we will charge you about €3,500 for that but we will only charge you 13.5% VAT.”

Wow, this is a lot of extra money I have to give the government just to build my house. 

“I forgot to mention the property tax”

What’s that?

“It’s a tax you have to pay each year for owning a house. You won’t have to pay that until after November 1st 2021 though.”

But what about all the taxes and charges I’ll have to pay to build the house in the first place?

It isn’t enough.

But you said at the start that you were here to help…